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Tetreves
02-21-2007, 01:51 PM
Here's my favorite disclaimer of all time:

http://www.nelsonrocks.org/disclaimer.html

<table align="center" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" height="3%" vspace="20" width="732"><tbody><tr><td align="center">
WARNING

</td></tr> <tr> <td>Nature is unpredictable and unsafe. Mountains are dangerous. Many books have been written about these dangers, and there's no way we can list them all here. Read the books.

Nelson Rocks Preserve is covered in steep terrain with loose, slippery and unstable footing. The weather can make matters worse. Sheer drops are everywhere. You may fall, be injured or die. There are hidden holes. You could break your leg. There are wild animals, which may be vicious, poisonous or carriers of dread diseases. These include poisonous snakes and insects. Plants can be poisonous as well. We don't do anything to protect you from any of this. We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the grounds, rocks, cliffs or other features, natural or otherwise.

Real dangers are present even on trails. Trails are not sidewalks. They can be, and are, steep, slippery and dangerous. Trail features made or enhanced by humans, such as steps, walls and railings (if any) can break, collapse, or otherwise fail catastrophically at any time. We don't promise to inspect, supervise or maintain them in any way. They may be negligently constructed or repaired. They are unsafe, period. Live with it or stay away.

Stay on the trails whenever possible. The terrain, in addition to being dangerous, is surprisingly complex. You may get lost. Carry food, water and first aid supplies at all times.

Rocks and other objects can fall from the cliffs. They can tumble down slopes. This can happen naturally, or be caused by people above you, such as climbers. Rocks of all sizes, including huge boulders, can shift, move or fall with no warning. Use of helmets is advised for anyone approaching the rock formations. They can be purchased or rented at Seneca Rocks. They won't save you if you get hit by something big or on another part of your body. A whole rock formation might collapse on you and squash you like a bug. Don't think it can't happen.

Weather can be dangerous, regardless of the forecast. Be prepared with extra clothing, including rain gear. Hypothermia, heat stroke, lightning, ice and snow, etc. can kill you. Rain can turn easy terrain into a deathtrap.

If you scramble in high places (scrambling is moving over terrain steep enough to use your hands) without proper experience, training and equipment, or allow children to do so, you are making a terrible mistake. Even if you know what you're doing, lots of things can go wrong and you may be injured or die. It happens all the time.

The Preserve does not provide rangers or security personnel. The other people in the preserve, including other visitors, our employees, agents, and guests, and anyone else who might sneak in, may be stupid, reckless, or otherwise dangerous. They may be mentally ill, criminally insane, drunk, using illegal drugs and/or armed with deadly weapons and ready to use them. We aren't necessarily going to do anything about it. We refuse to take responsibility.

If you climb, you may die or be seriously injured. This is true whether you are experienced or not, trained or not, equipped or not, though training and equipment may help. It's a fact, climbing is extremely dangerous. If you don't like it, stay at home. You really shouldn't be doing it anyway. We do not provide supervision or instruction. We are not responsible for, and do not inspect or maintain, climbing anchors (including bolts, pitons, slings, trees, etc.) As far as we know, any of them can and will fail and send you plunging to your death. There are countless tons of loose rock ready to be dislodged and fall on you or someone else. There are any number of extremely and unusually dangerous conditions existing on and around the rocks, and elsewhere on the property. We may or may not know about any specific hazard, but even if we do, don't expect us to try to warn you. You're on your own.

Rescue services are not provided by the Preserve, and may not be available quickly or at all. Local rescue squads may not be equipped for or trained in mountain rescue. If you are lucky enough to have somebody try to rescue you or treat your injuries, they may be incompetent or worse. This includes doctors and hospitals. We assume no responsibility. Also, if you decide to participate in a rescue of some other unfortunate, that's your choice. Don't do it unless you are willing to assume all risks.

By entering the Preserve, you are agreeing that we owe you no duty of care or any other duty. We promise you nothing. We do not and will not even try to keep the premises safe for any purpose. The premises are not safe for any purpose. This is no joke. We won't even try to warn you about any dangerous or hazardous condition, whether we know about it or not. If we do decide to warn you about something, that doesn't mean we will try to warn you about anything else. If we do make an effort to fix an unsafe condition, we may not try to correct any others, and we may make matters worse! We and our employees or agents may do things that are unwise and dangerous. Sorry, we're not responsible. We may give you bad advice. Don't listen to us. In short, ENTER AND USE THE PRESERVE AT YOUR OWN RISK. And have fun!

NRP Management
</td> </tr> <tr> </tr> </tbody></table> ©1998 Nelson Rocks Preserve

Wolfchimp
02-21-2007, 02:03 PM
That's pretty funny. Is there an abridged version? Ha ha ha. I am guessing that some of the mentioned incidents must have happened if they felt the need to write them in the disclaimer. :confused:

mara
02-21-2007, 02:04 PM
That is perfect. Now if we could just get a "we don't care if you like the trails and we aren't responsible for your safety or death" sign up at Theo. . . ;)

wanderingrobots
02-21-2007, 02:12 PM
this is awesome. every disclaimer should be written in the same tone

TML
02-21-2007, 02:23 PM
That's awesome!

crux
02-21-2007, 02:29 PM
One of my favorite warnings from the BLM out west was "Don't molest the animals."

It occured to me if there is a sign or warning in print then there is a reason for it. :sick:

manual63
02-21-2007, 02:40 PM
The truth is, that pretty much goes for anything you do.

Kinda bleak isn't it?

Now let's go have some fun!!

KleinCrazy
02-21-2007, 02:42 PM
Isn't it amazing what being privately owned allows....

ebrandel
02-21-2007, 02:48 PM
That's pretty funny. Is there an abridged version?

Yep, right at the end of the whole thing.

In short, ENTER AND USE THE PRESERVE AT YOUR OWN RISK. And have fun!

There ya go! :)

That whole thing was pretty entertaining.

Tetreves
02-21-2007, 03:03 PM
I'm glad I can provide some entertainment for your working hours. ;)

ebrandel
02-21-2007, 03:40 PM
Just found this:
http://www.nelsonrocks.org/releasepacket.pdf
The entire full release document that you have to sign.

It includes the above disclaimer as well as a nice FAQ and this gem:
RELEASE AND AGREEMENT
[Notice: This is a legally and morally binding contract. If you sign it, YOU ARE GIVING UP MANY IMPORTANT LEGAL RIGHTS!!! If you think this release “won’t hold up in court”, you are seriously mistaken. This is an ironclad, bullet-proof, rock-solid legal contract, tight as a drum and completely free of loopholes. It covers us like a blanket and lets us totally off the hook for anything that might happen. If you don’t feel like reading this, you don’t understand or don’t agree with any part of it, or you think it doesn’t apply to you, you may not purchase a pass or enter the Preserve for any reason. Sorry, that’s just the way we have to operate.]

I, the undersigned, certify that I have read and fully understand the Warning provided to me with this form. I have read every word of this document. I understand and absolutely agree with everything it says. I have read the Rules and Regulations of NRP and promise to abide by them.

By signing this Release and entering Nelson Rocks Preserve in Circleville, West Virginia (the premises referred to in this document as the “Preserve”, which includes the Nelson Rocks Via Ferrata if I am buying a via ferrata pass), I agree that Nelson Rocks Preserve, Inc.,Cliffhanger LLC, and their respective owners, officers, operators, managers, directors, shareholders, agents, employees and contractors, anyone else connected in any way with the Preserve, and their respective heirs, successors and assigns (all of whom are collectively referred to in this document as “NRP”) owe me no duty of care or any other duty as a guest of the Preserve. I agree that NRP is not responsible for keeping the Preserve safe for my use, and that the Preserve is a dangerous place. I do not expect NRP to warn me about any dangerous condition, whether they know about it or not. I agree that NRP is entitled to the full protection of the West Virginia Recreational Use Statute.

In return for being allowed to enter and use the Preserve, I give up the legal right to sue NRP if I get injured or killed while I am there. NRP will not be liable if I get hurt or killed or my property gets damaged, lost or stolen at the Preserve, regardless of how it happens. I personally assume all risks (foreseen or unforeseen) to me and my property while I am at the Preserve. I release NRP from liability for any injury or damage to me or my property. I promise to indemnify, defend and hold harmless NRP from any claim by me, my family, estate, heirs, or assigns, or any other person, arising out of my use of the Preserve. I know that NRP is relying on these promises, and would not allow me to enter the Preserve otherwise. If I break my promise and sue NRP, I will pay all of NRP’s attorneys’ fees, I agree that the lawsuit may only be filed and litigated in the Courts of Pendleton County, West Virginia, and I waive the right to a jury trial.

I want this Release and Agreement to be interpreted as broadly as possible. If any court decides that any part of this release is not valid or enforceable, I still want the rest of it to be valid and enforceable. This Release and Agreement is binding not only on me, but on my family, and my heirs, estate, executors and personal representatives if I die. It is also binding on any persons or members of my family, including minors, who are accompanying me at the Preserve. I am over the age of eighteen, or if I’m not, my parent or legal guardian has read this document and signed below. I have signed this document of my own free will.

I PROMISE I WON’T SUE NRP OR EVERYONE CONNECTED WITH NRP, AND I DON’T WANT ANYONE ELSE SUING THEM, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS. I REALLY, TRULY MEAN THIS.

ryno lite
02-21-2007, 03:48 PM
Both of these are just hilarious! Maybe MORC needs a disclaimer like this for the events we hold.