Why I Love Road Bikes

[gopherhockey]

Got this today via email from Dale Gundberg... too funny!!!

Ahhhhhh . . . Road Bikes.

Brake levers you can't reach. Not that brakes are really that important in traffic.

Still using brake designs from early in the previous century.

Two extremely convenient handlebar positions:

Position #1 - I can't reach any levers, and everything below my waist is going numb, and

Position #2 - My back is in spasms, I can't see anything beyond the front hub, and I will never have an erection again.

High-tech, lightweight seats that resemble old dried-up rock-hard corn cobs.

Clipless pedals that require shoes and cleats that make you walk like a "stylish" man with a corn cob up your ass.

The clothes to match "the walk".

Getting crap thrown at you by drivers who hate people with "the walk" and assume that you are their leader.

Getting run off the road by drivers with nothing to throw at you.

The joy of not having to ride with the "regular folks" who are comfortable being themselves and toiling in the dirt. Instead, YOU get to ride with 25,000 roadies who ALLl think they are Lance Freekin' Armstrong, or at least long to be anyone other than who they really are.


The latest in suspension technology to increase your comfort and prolong your ride . . . oops - nevermind.

Tires that can adequately handle a wide range of conditions, from perfect asphalt, to perfect asphalt.

Tires with a built-in safety feature that blow up if a small pebble gets within 4 or 5 inches of potentially contacting the tire's tread.

The companionship of fellow riders who's only goal in life is to drop you like a bad habbit.

Gloves with no fingers, to at least give you the illusion of being able to reach the controls.

Down-tube shifters because we are all evolved from apes with 6-foot long arms of course.

The joy of paying for 30 gears, 15 of which are the same as the other 15 but just using different gearing combinations, and 10 of the remaining 15 that you never use anyway because they are either too low or too high.

Need help shavin' those legs and can't reach "down there". No problem. Many of your fellow riders would be glad to help . . .


Never having to wory about getting dirty from a fall, because the asphalt is cleaned on a regular basis.

Helmets without visors, because the sun only shines in the woods where mountain bikers ride, and never on the road where you ride.

The constant thrill of riding in a fast, tight pace-line with your face mere inches from some other guys butt. And as an added benefit
you rotate positions every so often, so you get to look at lots and lots of guys' butts.

And of course, don't forget, unlike those weird mountain bikers who ride on trails where trees stop the wind, regardless of which direction you are riding, you always have the pleasure of a stiff brease in your face.

Why waste your money on a Honda CBR600 when you can have a nice titaniuim bicycle for twice the price!

[homebrewbiker]

I sent this to a couple of guys I know who road ride, both were kind of offended. I guess that indicates that some roadies have little no to sense of humor and maybe take themseleves a little bit too seriously.:shocked:

[Trevize1138]

I sent this to a couple of guys I know who road ride, both were kind of offended. I guess that indicates that some roadies have little no to sense of humor and maybe take themseleves a little bit too seriously.:shocked:
Heh ... yeah ... "some" ... :cheesy:

[gopherhockey]

Yea, I dunno... I wonder if there is a Mountain Biker "comeback" to this joke.

Being brand new to the road scene I really appreciated it.

I like the visor one.. why is that - roadies don't use visors, but mountain bikers do. Hmmm...

Oh yea.. and numbness... yes, I can relate. :confused:

[mtnbykr]

...why is that - roadies don't use visors...

uhhh, that's what the euro cycling hats were made for....

.. and numbness... yes, I can relate.
you need to stand more. if you just sat on your mtb seat you'd get numb on it also.

kl

[PWAXON]

I thought it was hilarious, If you can’t laugh at yourself who can you!

[homebrewbiker]

Oh yea.. and numbness... yes, I can relate. :confused:
I went in for what they calll a "custom fit" at the bike store. Part of that was adjusting the seat height. I seem to have much less of an issue with numbness now.

[berrywise]

I like the visor one.. why is that - roadies don't use visors, but mountain bikers do. Hmmm...


I would imagine it has to do with positioning on the bike. Especially if you are down in the drops. It's already hard enough to see where you are going with your head pointing at your front wheel.

[soupboy]

...by Dale Gundberg. Funny stuff.

I actually like road riding because I can get some decent exercise right from my front door even if its raining. Dale does seem overly obsessed with other mens' chamois...

It is true that every "roadie" I've come across since I started road riding way back in July 2004 seems compelled to race/draft/annoy you a la the TDF. I tend to ride in the west burbs and one day I cruised past a bunch of ninnies coming out of StarPhuks in DT Wayzata in their full team kits of their respective CF framed, DuraAce equipped love machines.

Of course, I was (am) a phat guy on a road bike but with full MTB gear. They had no choice but to pursue me. It was comical. Not that I'm fast (I'm not) but that they appeared morally obligated to give chase. I dropped the hammer on McGinty and ultimately dropped them...or did they just turn into their $1MM lake homes...?

Sean

[grizzly adam]

That was awesome!

The constant thrill of riding in a fast, tight pace-line with your face mere inches from some other guys butt. And as an added benefit you rotate positions every so often, so you get to look at lots and lots of guys' butts.Actually, you still see the same butt.


The companionship of fellow riders who's only goal in life is to drop you like a bad habbit.
Why is this SOO true?!


Need help shavin' those legs and can't reach "down there". No problem. Many of your fellow riders would be glad to help . . .
Uhhhh - not THIS fellow rider!

[homebrewbiker]

The joy of not having to ride with the "regular folks" who are comfortable being themselves and toiling in the dirt. Instead, YOU get to ride with 25,000 roadies who ALLl think they are Lance Freekin' Armstrong, or at least long to be anyone other than who they really are.

This is my favorite one.:p

[JayT]

Hey Will...

How on earth do you equate "roadies" with not being comfortable with themselves???

If anything this thread is a display of those who are not-so comfortable, or even, threatened.

[gopherhockey]

you need to stand more. if you just sat on your mtb seat you'd get numb on it also.

klYea, that should be written accross the seat in big red letters when a person goes out and buys a road bike with no prior experience other than mountain biking ;) Dude, STAND UP OR FEEL THE PAIN... uh...

[mtnbykr]

Yea, that should be written accross the seat in big red letters when a person goes out and buys a road bike with no prior experience other than mountain biking Dude, STAND UP OR FEEL THE PAIN... uh...
if you didn't stand up when you felt even slightly numb, then i'd guess we need one more warning label...

i'd guess your seat is still improperly adjusted for your body type/riding style.

have grizzlyadam take a look at you position. he'd know...


kl

[soupboy]

...you have to remember that your taint does not have 5" of travel...I hope.

Sean

[Trevize1138]

You almost feel obliged to ride in full MTB garb and, in my case, crappy old road ride precisely because there are so many roadies out there with egos inversely proportionate to the weight of their rides. There's a strange satisfaction to dropping 'em on your cheap @@s ride with straight bars and bar ends wearing the Camelbak H.A.W.G. and baggies.

Of course, the other day I tried to keep up with a guy on a road bike after the light turned green while I was on my 34:20 SS ... I can accelerate plenty fast ... but once you get over 13mph you're red lining ...

...by Dale Gundberg. Funny stuff.

I actually like road riding because I can get some decent exercise right from my front door even if its raining. Dale does seem overly obsessed with other mens' chamois...

It is true that every "roadie" I've come across since I started road riding way back in July 2004 seems compelled to race/draft/annoy you a la the TDF. I tend to ride in the west burbs and one day I cruised past a bunch of ninnies coming out of StarPhuks in DT Wayzata in their full team kits of their respective CF framed, DuraAce equipped love machines.

Of course, I was (am) a phat guy on a road bike but with full MTB gear. They had no choice but to pursue me. It was comical. Not that I'm fast (I'm not) but that they appeared morally obligated to give chase. I dropped the hammer on McGinty and ultimately dropped them...or did they just turn into their $1MM lake homes...?

Sean

[homebrewbiker]

There's a strange satisfaction to dropping 'em on your cheap @@s ride with straight bars and bar ends wearing the Camelbak H.A.W.G. and baggies.

Of course, the other day I tried to keep up with a guy on a road bike after the light turned green while I was on my 34:20 SS ... I can accelerate plenty fast ... but once you get over 13mph you're red lining ...I was riding to Wirth one day on the paved path and was keeping up with a road rider. I was riding pretty hard, and wanted to save some energy for the off road trails, so I didn't try to pass him. And I was even riding my 2000 Rock Hopper FSR. I just let him go though. Should have passed him just to see him get aggravated.:banana:

But now I'm one of "them" with my fancy new road bike. But I still don't wear the shamefully revealing roadie ware.

[grizzly adam]

We don't ALL get aggravated when we get passed. :)

[gopherhockey]

You almost feel obliged to ride in full MTB garb and, in my case, crappy old road ride precisely because there are so many roadies out there with egos inversely proportionate to the weight of their rides. There's a strange satisfaction to dropping 'em on your cheap @@s ride with straight bars and bar ends wearing the Camelbak H.A.W.G. and baggies.
...
Do riders out there even know how long the other guy has been riding when they take joy out of passing? What I mean is, how does someone know I'm not finishing up 100 miles when they go sprinting by, or that they have done the same when I pass. (same goes at Lebanon really)

To me comparing bikes and what people are wearing really doesn't matter or mean much... but I do feel that strange need to stay ahead when someone is behind me.

[bigwheel]

... but I do feel that strange need to stay ahead when someone is behind me.
When road biking, I encourage people to pass me so that I can draft them. Same thing in a car. Let someone else find the deer, cops, etc.

[fisherbikefreak]

I hear ya. Last weekend I drove down to Chicago and drafted tractor-trailers and whatever else I could get behind. My gas milage went through the roof (37mpg vs my usual 30) also, two of the people I was drafting got the red and blue lights in their mirrors. I just kept on truckin'!

[bkyatty]

John - I sent the "article" to a friend of mine who recently had a heart attack (he is a marathoner and local HS track coach). He said he couldn't stop laughing b/c it was ALL SO TRUE. It really made one person's recovery a bit easier!!!

[destrago]

There's a strange satisfaction to dropping 'em on your cheap @@s ride with straight bars and bar ends wearing the Camelbak H.A.W.G. and baggies.

I once dropped a gang of roadies who were all decked out. They got really agitated at that. The fact that I was wearing a t-shirt and shorts (not special biking gear) probably annoyed them, along with the fact that they all had really expensive looking clipless and I was on cheap little platforms. But what probably pissed them all off was the fact that I was on my mtb (my only bike!) at the time.

They very well might have been on mile 87, but I was 20 miles into a 32 mile ride myself. They caught me not long after that, all standing and sprinting hard. So I drafted them for about the next two miles until it came time for me to turn off. There was some evil, rebellious punk satisfaction in that I must say.

-Tony

[SickBoy]

I think everyone should drop the roadies vs. mtb thing. We're all bike riders. Anyone who thinks baggy shorts are dumb (or the inverse) is too closed minded to really see what's going on.

My road friends call me a mountain biker because I mash huge gears, can't climb, wear sleeveless jerseys, and because they know I have a mountain bike.

My mountain bike friends call me a roadie because they know I have a road bike, spin very high cadence (compared to them), can climb like hell (compared to them), and am generally more fit than they are.

My friends who do cyclocross.... don't care.

I have seven bikes. Four mountain bikes, one cyclocross, one commuter, and a road bike.

So what does that make me?

(Moral of the story: drop it)

[grizzly adam]

And we wonder why there's such "hostility" between roadies and mtbers.

Maybe instead of beating everyone, we should say hi and have a conversation with each other and find out how the ride is going. Maybe they have a mountain bike as well or the other way around.

I know it's not as much fun as pacing with a roadie, but at least it might leave a better impression.

[grizzly adam]

Great Minds Think Alike!

[Magic]

It makes you a bike whord Andy. Share the wealth, brother.

[gopherhockey]

Thus this good natured "joke" post... just helps point out how silly we all are if we made it serious. Its fun to revel in how odd we are regardless of what we love in biking ;)

[SickBoy]

It makes you a bike whord Andy. Share the wealth, brother.
Believe me, if any of them were worth anything I'd sell a bike or two. You should see the hallway in my apartment, between me and my bike-mechanic roommate.

[Magic]

I hear ya, people say I have to many bikes, parts, wheels, tires and everything related to biking. But more is better. Plus when you race you seem to gather more crap than the average biker. At least I know where to go when I need a part, I'll be calling you or your roommate.:)

[mtnbykr]

.....whord......
??



kl

[berrywise]

??



kl

I think the letter's E and D are pretty close on the keyboard.

[berrywise]

There's a strange satisfaction to dropping 'em on your cheap @@s ride with straight bars and bar ends wearing the Camelbak H.A.W.G. and baggies.
Hah last night I was riding from work over to a friend's house on an old Raleigh, front rack, touring handle bar, sturmy 3 spd hub. Up ahead a guy on a road bike with full team colors making his way up University Ave. so I dropped two gears and got cookin. The look on his face was classic when I zipped by him (sing with me doo do do do doo doo)

Of course I knew I only had one more block to go before I turned off the road and my legs were toast and I was hopin he wouldn't follow me around the corner........but oh well the look I got was still well worth it.

[nigel]

Im with Andy on this one. Its not worth debating or flaming either group. Its a no win for both parties *shrugs* I consider myself a roadie and a mtn biker, i actually do more road miles per year than mtn miles, but i prefer mtn biking so what does that make me? Both groups have huge egos and need to get over em :crazy:

[gopherhockey]

I guess I really don't see any debating or anything here - just good natured ribbing... (if even that) If I see people starting to attack another group I'll put a stop too it. Offending someone is the last thing this thread was all about. If someone is offended by the joke itself then... well... :eyeroll:

:p

But... just so we don't continue to upset anyone I'll close this.